Look at yourself little girl, what do you see when you do? Why such sadness in your once so gleaming eyes? Why do you frown with insecurities when its just you looking at your own self? You have nothing to hide, nothing to be shy of or not be proud of. This is your life, this is you; your face, your mind, your soul. This is your own undivided moment to capture and own. Why not go and captivate yourself? When was the moment you stopped smiling at your own reflection only to stare at your every thought of a flaw; of what you don’t think is ‘pretty’? They can all tell you your pretty, your hot, your flawed or your nothing but I don’t care what they say. I might not be anyone special, but I hate to see you frown over something so wrong. You are beautiful. Inside. Your body might be your shell, but why hide? You’re the real type of beautiful, not the one that’s so misused in this corrupted day. The girl you are inside that you once saw and believed in so much in those now so empty eyes. The girl that hides herself from the world through a face of makeup and a smile that she hopes to be accepted for as ‘their’ type of beautiful with your clothes, your hair, your choices… Because that’s when you think you’ll be beautiful isn’t it? When that boy looks at you with prying eyes, up and down. Does that really actually make you feel pretty? Isn’t that sad, little girl? No wonder your looking so lost. No wonder you don’t know who to love, let alone who really loves you, because deep down even if they say they do, they don’t love you at all. They love who your portraying to be and you know it. What are you hiding behind your layers of foundation, eyeliner and mascara? This flawless faced girl which such character behind her structured poise that you know isn’t you. The girl you could once call beautiful yourself because you knew you had nothing to hide but now your too ashamed because confidence in this day and age is seen as ‘wrong’. Like your guilty pleasures of biting your fingernails while watching television. Little girl, wear your makeup if it makes you truly happy. I know it makes me happy. Just don’t fret when the tears one day fall to wipe it all away.
April 2010
- John Lennon” —
Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being “in love” which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.
-St. Augustine
moving to London, I love it.
Do you know that I love you? I’ve probably told you a million times now, but I’m going to keep saying it. There are no lies in these three words, not one. Your smile keeps me alive; you’re just another reason to keep fighting. I would, I have given you my soul, even if it leaves me dark and cold. And I can’t wait to hold you close, close enough that I can feel your heart beat fast, and I think to my self, “even if things aren’t perfect, at least I’ve found that ‘someone’, my prince charming”.
A time machine hasn’t been invented yet; you can’t go back and redo your wrongs; change the past no matter how bad you want to, so really what’s the point in looking back? All you’re doing is putting your self down thinking about the things that would, could and should have happened. You can change the future though. Two thousand ten; More tears and more pain, more enemies and friends to gain. Fall in love, fall out of love, realizing what you had and what you don’t have now. More ups and more downs, more smiles and frowns. New adventures and different chapters.
I can’t just drift away from you, I can’t get on with my life and not give you a second thought. When I kissed you that night, walking away stopped being an option.
