I hate that I’m not your priority, I’m just another option for when your ego needs boosting. Whats the point in willing to fight for someone, to do anything to keep them around when they aren’t even willing enough to do the same for you? I’m fucking sick and tired of the way you make me feel all the time. Why do I still fucking care about you? You’re nothing but a liar and a hypocrite. I deserve so much better.
Fuck I want corny in my life.
- Greys Anatomy
God?… I just want to fall in love with life, not people. I don’t understand people, and I know I never will as they will never me. I dont even understand me. And people, they tend to let you down when you need them most. But maybe that’s because I’m expecting them to be there, and you should never do that, you should never expect anything from anyone. Now I’m back tracking again. Why do I always do this, ask questions that can’t be answered, but I’ll try and I’ll try, and hours will pass where one question leads to another question and before I know it I’ve hopped from Love, to Humans, to Sex, to the Earth, To Venus, to the atoms in the air, to the protons, then the electrons, then I’ll wonder about aliens and if they even exist, then I’ll think of course they do! But they’re not actually called aliens, but if they’re not aliens then what are they? Goobs? Trubes? Vascas? Why does alien have to be such a blue sticky slimey word that hasn’t seen sun. A.l.i.e.n. Glop? Then I’ll think about the word glop and how it reminds me of the green slimey stuff they put into those little containers to make the fart noises, and I’ll wonder why it amuses us. As humans, why a noise such as a fart which is really just bad gases coming out of our anuses makes us laugh. Is it our way of trying to come out better from the situation, hahaaa, maybe its because we’re embarrassed of our own farts? But why are we embarrassed, God? Everyone farts, so therefore, it is normal isn’t it? I don’t get alot of things, maybe its a good thing, is it? No, it can’t be. Imagine all the things I could have done instead of sitting somewhere wondering, thinking, questioning and pondering. What is that bird thinking? Why did that book I read say that to reach enlightenment you have to think like a bird, or realize the beauty of a flower? Then I’ll sit and stare at birds for longer than I would like to think trying to reach enlightenment by getting ‘inside the birds mind’, but then I wonder, how will I even know what enlightenment is? Am I enlightened now? Birds piss me off, especially magpies that sit there and intimidate you. Why did you create magpies? And crows? And those little birds that wake me up at unreasonable hours of the morning? God? Yes, I know you know the answer to this. I wish I could fly. But, would I want to fly? Would I tell anyone? Maybe I don’t want to fly after all. It’s like if Superman appeared on Earth everyone would just hate and hate on him. Poor bloke. God, why are we like this? Are we all just jealous creatures? What made us like this through evolution? Did the apes get jealous of the monkeys because they were orange and skinnier? I guess not much has changed then, we all still want to be orange, and skinnier, ha. Wow… Did I used to be a monkey? I’d like to have been a bird. God, why am I writing to you on my Tumblr right now? I should be studying for my exams. I was meant to write a quote about love but I guess I’ll think of one now then… “When one loves it is only when they question their objects love back do they break cupids bow in trying to possess that love, nothing can be forced, and nothing is forever. Love is like your very breath in this moment, you can only try to hold it for so long until you only start to lose yourself.” Naw, that was kinda cute. Okay, no more writing now. Back to my coffee.
God, thankyou for creating coffee.
And me.
And Gemma.
Amen.
